If i could only live my life half as well as they did...

Within the past six months I have had three wonderful people pass away from cancer. And as weird as this sounds i am glad that they did pass away from cancer because it gave me (and i am sure others) time to either get to know some better or gave me the ability to say good bye and to let them know what they meant to me. It maybe shocking for someone to say such a thing but if you really think about it passing like that is so beautiful and precious. Cancer is a horrible disease and not fun to watch but it is (to me at least) the most gracious way to die because (usually) it gives you time, and time is all we have. And just so you know no names will be given out of respect of those that have passed and their families but those of you that know me and my family (and when i say family i mean my friends too) you will know exactly who i am talking about.

The first to pass was someone that I did not know my whole life or even had much of a relationship with. However, that didnt make it any less hard having her go. She was so kind and warm and understanding. She would give someone the shirt off her back if someone asked for it because she knew she had another one at home but most importantly she made you feel like part of the family even if you had only entered into it for a short time. No matter how badly she was feeling she never refused your company and always made sure you were more than comfortable. She was a fighter her whole life and did it with such grace that I can not truly explain the loving feeling that you got from just being around her. She was my grad-school friends mom and an aunt by marriage but she was one of the greats in my eyes and an inspiration to single mothers and humanity in general. I am lucky to be apart of her family because they all have a piece of her in them and lucky to have known her, if only for a short while. Beautiful is the only word I can use to describe her.

The second one to pass may have been the hardest one for me and possible the most special. This woman took me in, trusted me with one of her most prized possession, gave me a job that helped me keep afloat in school, and gave me my heart back. She was like a second mother to me. The mother that never judged (well out load anyway), that you could be yourself around, and never had to lie to. Just knowing her made me a better person (and to many around her). She always believed that you never do something for someone expecting something in return. Not a difficult concept but hard to apply in real life...and she did it with such grace and perfection. I just thank god i got the chance to have let her know how much she meant to me within the 8 years that I was with her. She was the person that helped me develop into the last stages of my womanhood and I will never forget her grace.

The third is honestly what one would consider my idol. He was the smartest man I have ever come across so far in my life and probably will be the only. However, even though he was soooo smart, he had this ability to make you feel smarter than you thought you were just by talking to him. He never asked me a generic question even when I was a little girl and challenged and intrigued me as a person and a student that sitting down with him was much more fun than whatever the other kids and later on the other adults were doing. I would always know what kind of Christmas I was going to have depending if he was going to be there...if not I would be bored and quiet frankly ignored as the adults would talk about the same old stories...but if yes I knew that he would come up with some mind boggling question that would allow me to speak my mind and to show my opinion on worldly issues. He was the first person to treat me as a peer, an equal mind with its own thoughts and ideas. I will miss those conversations very much. He is the person that really got me into history but most importantly teaching because I want to be an inspiration like he was to me. He is my inspiration and i dare not disappoint him.

These are the things that I was able to learn from these people and was able to tell most of them. They each touched my life and lots of others as well. They say that the gods challenge those that are good...and in these cases they were the best. Suffering wasnt going to get them down and they were not ever going to give up without a fight and none of them ever did. At the funeral of my inspiration a quote was given: I HAVE ALWAYS KNOWN THAT AT LAST I WOULD TAKE THIS ROAD. BUT YESTERDAY I DID NOT KNOW IT WOULD BE TODAY.- NARIHIRA (9th century). Like them, this quote will always stay with me because even before cancer entered there lives they never wasted a moment of it. And when the cancer came they new what was ahead but never lived it like it was there last. But what they did know before their last was that they in one way or another were inspirations. Greatness is hard to define and I dare not try to define these three beautiful, gracious, inspirational people.

The Truth about Valentines Days!

Ah yes...February 14th is upon us and as i watch the tv and read and/or hear all of my friends talk about this time of year, i cant help but think about what a crook of shit it all is. Yes boys and girls i hate Valentines Day. Not because its a day dedicated to Love...no no i love love...but because it is a Day that is based on lies! LIES I SAY!

Now people have been celebrating what is now as Valentines Day for years for various reasons but not until the 20th century did the day really take off to what we see today...a consumer driven hallapolooza of reds and pinks and sometimes that bling bling created by the evil genius of the marketing warlords. Honestly people do you really believe that we celebrate V-day (as some companies would like you to believe) because of some historical religious reasons...like Christmas or Easter? And let me just say if you do...you will be horrible disappointed after reading what i have to say next. And a word to the wise dont take my word for it go research it yourself!

Now people let me enlighten you that when people say that Valentines Day was created by Hallmark it isnt some radical Hippie conspiracy theory nor is it because they are cold hearted people that dont believe in love...its because its the truth...give or take the Hallmark part (you'll see what i mean later).

ST.VALENTINE

Historically little is known about St. Valentine (some say they lack on information is do to the Medieval Ages*) or how many there actually were (yes boys and girls there was more than on St. Valentine) but Today, the Catholic Church recognizes at least three different saints named Valentine or Valentinus, all of whom were martyred (see http://www.history.com/topics/valentines-day). 

Nevertheless, what is know about the Valentines are as follows:

1. Valentine was a holy priest in Rome, who, with St. Marius and his family, assisted the martyrs in the persecution under Claudius II. He was apprehended, and sent by the emperor to the prefect of Rome, who, on finding all his promises to make him renounce his faith in effectual, commended him to be beaten with clubs, and afterwards, to be beheaded, which was executed on February 14, about the year 270...Since he was caught marrying Christian couples and aiding any Christians who were being persecuted under Emperor Claudius in Rome [when helping them was considered a crime], Valentinus was arrested and imprisoned. Claudius took a liking to this prisoner -- until Valentinus made a strategic error: he tried to convert the Emperor -- whereupon this priest was condemned to death. He was beaten with clubs and stoned; when that didn't do it, he was beheaded outside the Flaminian Gate [circa 269].
   (see http://www.catholic.org/saints/saint.php?saint_id=159) 
2. Valentine of Terni^[9] became bishop of Interamna (modern Terni) about AD 197 and is said to have been martyred during the persecution under Emperor Aurelian. He is also buried on the Via Flaminia, but in a different location than Valentine of Rome (however some scholars believe that the Valentine of Rome and Terni are on and the same). (see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valentine's_Day)
3. Of the third Saint Valentine, who suffered in Africa with a number of companions, nothing further is known. (see http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/15254a.htm)

THE LEGEND

1. One legend contends that Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men — his crop of potential soldiers. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine's actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death. (see http://www.history.com/topics/valentines-day)
2. One legend says, while awaiting his execution, Valentinus restored the sight of his jailer's blind daughter. Another legend says, on the eve of his death, he penned a farewell note to the jailer's daughter, signing it, "From your Valentine." (see http://www.catholic.org/saints/saint.php?saint_id=159)
3. Other stories suggest that Valentine may have been killed for attempting to help Christians escape harsh Roman prisons where they were often beaten and tortured. (see http://www.history.com/topics/valentines-day)

THE V-DAY BEGINNING

During the Medieval Ages, the beginning of courtly love began in Paris on Valentines Day in 1400. The court dealt with love contracts, betrayals, and violence against women. Judges were selected by women on the basis of a poetry reading. The earliest surviving valentine is a 15th-century rondeau written by Charles, Duke of Orleans to his wife, which commences. At the time, the duke was being held in the Tower of London following his capture at the Battle of Agincourt, 1415. And Valentine's Day is mentioned ruefully by Ophelia in Hamlet (1600–1601) (see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valentine's_Day)

However, even though V-day as we know it started during the Medieval Ages, the celebration on love and fertility began with the Pagan cultures during the month, as we know it, of February or what they considered the first month of spring called the Lupercalia festival. In ancient Rome, February was the official beginning of spring and was considered a time for purification. Houses were ritually cleansed by sweeping them out and then sprinkling salt and a type of wheat called spelt throughout their interiors. Lupercalia, which began at the ides of February, February 15, was a fertility festival dedicated to Faunus, the Roman god of agriculture, as well as to the Roman founders Romulus and Remus. To begin the festival, members of the Luperci, an order of Roman priests, would gather at the sacred cave where the infants Romulus and Remus, the founders of Rome, were believed to have been cared for by a she-wolf or lupa. The priests would then sacrifice a goat, for fertility, and a dog, for purification. (see http://www.history.com/topics/valentines-day)

Nevertheless, Modern Valentines Day stems from the Medieval Ages where love note and courting for love began what we would call dating today. However, in the Medieval Ages on the actual day of February 14th was for the celebration of the death of St. Valentine...not what we see today.

MODERN VALENTINES DAY

In 1797 a limited amount of printed Valentines became available and in the 19th century in England Valentine became factory produced. Fancy Valentines were made with real lace and ribbons, with paper lace introduced in the mid-19th century. And In the UK, just under half the population spend money on their Valentines and around 1.3 billion pounds is spent yearly on cards, flowers, chocolates and other gifts, with an estimated 25 million cards being sent. (see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valentine's_Day)

In The mid-19th century Valentine's Day trade was a harbinger of further commercialized holidays in the United States to follow. In the second half of the 20th century, the practice of exchanging cards was extended to all manner of gifts in the United States. Such gifts typically include roses and chocolates packed in a red satin, heart-shaped box. In the 1980s, the diamond industry began to promote Valentine's Day as an occasion for giving jewelry.The U.S. Greeting Card Association estimates that approximately 190 million valentines are sent each year in the US. Half of those valentines are given to family members other than husband or wife, usually to children. When you include the valentine-exchange cards made in school activities the figure goes up to 1 billion, and teachers become the people receiving the most valentines. In some North American elementary schools, children decorate classrooms, exchange cards, and are given sweets. The greeting cards of these students sometimes mention what they appreciate about each other. The rise of Internet popularity at the turn of the millennium is creating new traditions. Millions of people use, every year, digital means of creating and sending Valentine's Day greeting messages such as e-cards, love coupons or printable greeting cards. An estimated 15 million e-valentines were sent in 2010. (see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valentine's_Day)

CONCLUSION

So after all of that what happened to Valentines Day??? I will tell you...it went form a celebration of life and fertility...to a celebration of a Saints death...and ending in a multi-million dollar industry that is instilled in us as grade school students to promote unnecessary gift giving and spending on a holiday that has turn love into materialistic fantasy of love. Valentines Day went from a celebration of life and new beginnings to card and candy and even worse forced confessions of love. If you want to celebrate life and new beginnings and even love on February 14th then do so without the lame ass gift, cards and candy. Money is easy...feelings are hard...dont take the easy way out. So for all you out there that dont have a Valentine dont let if get you down just celebrate your life and remind yourself that life is good...love life. And for those of you that do have a Valentine remember that no gift is great than just knowing that you have someone that is there for you everyday not just on Valentines Day!